Dear You

Dear E,
I know you never love me the way you love him. I know even though you say you love me, your love for me will never be as much as your love for him. But I would like you to know that I'm craving for your love and attention, all my life. I'm not mad at you, I just want to be loved as much as he is loved. It seems that every single thing I've ever done for you is never enough.

Dear I,
I know you love me. I know it. I love you too. But can you stop blaming me for the things that I didn't do? You're never be fair to me. You expect more, but you never give me more. I only expect you to give me more.

Dear A,
I'm just saying that you are the only person that I'm jealous with. You have everything that I never have and I always want. You never know the ugly truth about life, right? They hide it from you for your own good. Everybody loves you, everybody that I always want them to love me the way they love you.

Dear God,
Thank you for giving me a life. Thank you for allowing me to meet these 3 persons that are the most valuable persons in my life. Thank you for the problems, they made me strong. I don't know about Your plan for me. But, I only want to tell You: I'm tortured here, all alone. Hiding every scar and wound behind my smile. Please, make me stronger.

Galau

Galau.

Kayaknya lagi 'in' banget tuh kata. Terutama di timeline twitter gw yang penuh dengan kata-kata galau. Whahaha. Oiya, kayaknya bakal stop nge-link nih blog ke fb deh. Ternyata blog gw tetep sepi, dan d FB yang rame. --"

Sekarang lagi UTS. Pagi ini ujian Citizenship; my favorite one. Tapi sempet-sempetnya gw ngepost. zzz.

Abis jujur aja, gw lagi galau.

Siklus menstruasi jadi akar semua kegalauan.

It results in sensitivity, fight, tears, and sadness.

I know you didn't mean it, but your words really mean to me.
I know you didn't want to hurt me, but you words really hurt me.
I know you love me, but if this the way you love me, than maybe I can't stand this anymore.

It's not that I don't love you anymore, I just need to take a break from this all.
Clean slate after this? Well, only if you agree with it.

Homesick

You're in a better place, I've heard a thousand times
And at least a thousand times I've rejoiced for you
But the reason why I'm broken, the reason why I cry
Is how long must I wait to be with you

I close my eyes and I see your face
If home's where my heart is then I'm out of place
Lord, won't you give me strength to make it through somehow
I've never been more homesick than now

Help me Lord cause I don't understand your ways
The reason why I wonder if I'll ever know
But, even if you showed me, the hurt would be the same
Cause I'm still here so far away from home

I close my eyes and I see your face
If home's where my heart is then I'm out of place
Lord, won't you give me strength to make it through somehow
I've never been more homesick than now

I miss my parents...

Random Shots

Talking of photography things, at first I wasn't interested at all. During my holiday in Palembang, it just turned out that night when my dad bought a prosumer Nikon camera. Haha, it is still in a very good condition, minus the battery. So, when I saw this Yashica 35-ME camera, it really fits my imagination about a vintage yet fashionable camera. So I just ask my dad to give the camera and one roll of expired film, the here it is: experimental shots by me. Some of them were being taken by my friend; Vita and my boyfriend; Yoko. I'm sorry for the blurs, well I'm a beginner. :)

I use this camera, anyway.

Shops near Megahria (Pasar 16 area)

Taking shots of myself (Punti Kayu)

The pristine one, taken by Yoko

Old coffee table (my backyard)

Rusty (my backyard)

View from the back yard

My backyard, taken from my mom's room

White orchid

me in the front yard

My puppets (my room)

It doesn't remain the same

I just want to say that I still love you on our 13 months' anniversary. It doesn't remain the same, yet it's getting bigger and bigger from day to day. Hope that you feel the same, Y.

image taken from: http://9gag.com/gag/3105/