Day-1

It went smooth. I was having a lot of fun, though there was an awkward moment since I have to interact while still in quarreling mode. Ah, being mature is harder than I thought. So the rest of the day went on just as smooth as baby's butt. Spending all my day attending entrepreneurship workshop, my tummy's full, got so many freebies and yes, money. Though there were a few of annoying people who keep cutting the line when we're having coffee break or lunch, and people who walk as if they're the only one that matters (which wetting my attire because the cup of tea spilled off), and et ce te ra.

The night was also amusing. Thought it would be plain boring since it's a CPA event (I don't even interested in Finance, let alone Accounting). But fortunately enough, they cover the Ethics topic, which was my favorite subject during my (active) college life. And, there were a few eye candy, yes, the dandy and preppy guys, both expatriate or Indonesian. Well, who can resists those? Clean look, Neat attire, and clean-cut. Heaven!

Then I came home. Yes, I didn't even reached home, but on my way home, the emptiness filled in. Fuck.

Guess, I have to restock my sleeping pills.

Adele's Someone LIke You: Overrated

I repost this from my own tumblr post. Yeah, I'm too lazy to write anything new. You can also visit (or even follow) my tumblog here.

I guess this will be my first time for a long post in tumblr (especially it’s only an opinion, not a matter of my broken heart, hehe). Lately I’ve been talking to my friend; Riska, about overrated things. Yes, overrated.

Bahagia

Apa sebenarnya bahagia itu?

Hingga sekarang aku rasa definisi bahagia itu masih terus kurang, masih harus terus diperbaharui, masih perlu amandemen di sana-sini.

Sekarang, definisi bahagiaku masih ini:

Hidup tenang

Ya, tenang. Berada di tengah orang-orang yang mencintaiku. Walau terkadang cara pengekspresian cinta mereka tidak aku mengerti. Aku lelah mengejar sesuatu yang semu. Sesuatu yang aku kira nyata. Semakin kukejar, semakin hilang. Pudar.

Kukira sudah saatnya memperbaharui definisi kebahagiaan itu menjadi:

Menemukan pasangan jiwa

Dan itu tak harus selalu berupa kekasih. Berupa pria. Berupa manusia.

Mari kita lihat saja nanti, toh aku masih mencari.

Irony

I'm shivering. And no one wants to know. Everybody's busy wanting to be heard. But no one's willing to hear.

Thought-Provoking Question

Lately I've been thinking about some thought-provoking questions wandering around my head. Some of them are available on the internet, at some websites, but some of them just popped out from my head. I've been thinking of sharing it here anyway, so I'd like to share it with you on my next post, me answering the thought-provoking question and give the argument about my answer. Hope it will enrich your knowledge and fill up the gap between your head. And yes, don't forget to leave comment arguing about your own answer toward the questions posted here, I'll be more than happy to have that. :)

Pengennya

Entah kenapa tiba-tiba kepikiran ini. Padahal masih UTS. Padahal gw seharusnya mikirin gimana caranya bisa jawab soal UTS Quality Management (QM) dan Managerial Accounting (Cost). Ngok. Mungkin karena QM merupakan mata kuliah yang sangat abstrak dan gw ga cocok sama dosennya. Cost? Otak gw emang gak tercipta buat berhitung dan matematika. Dari jaman SD sampe kuliah nilai pelajaran dan mata kuliah mengandung 'angka' gak pernah beres, jadi ya gw juga gak berharap dan berusaha banyak. 

lagaknya belajar :D

Oke, jadi, gw tiba-tiba kepikiran tentang 'hadiah', baik hadiah ulangtahun atau pun hadiah-hadiah lainnya. Selama ini gw sering banget ngasih hadiah ke orang berupa buku (bacaan bukan buku tulis ataupun notes dan definitely bukan buku pelajaran atau textbook). Tapi, seumur-umur, belum pernah rasanya yang ngasih gw buku bacaan. Padahal, jujur, gw berharap bakal dikasih buku juga sih. Bukannya sok pinter ataupun kutu buku, tapi gw suka banget baca (secara umum). Dan akan sangat menyenangkan kalo ada yang ngasih hadiah berupa buku ke gw. Gw dapet perspektif baru setiap baca buku, anything. Bakal lebih girang lagi kalo gw dikasih buku dalam bahasa Inggris. (Lagi) Gw bukan sok pinter bahasa Inggris atau gak nasionalis, cuma berdasarkan pengalaman sih, baca buku dalam bahasa Inggris (apalagi novel fiksi), itu JAUH lebih enak daripada baca terjemahan. Jadi ilfil kan kalo baca karakter yang tadinya punya nama "The Magic Tongue" trus pas baca novel terjemahan jadi "Si Lidah Sakti"? IMHO.

Saat ini sih gw pengen banget punya buku dengan judul di bawah ini, a little bit old, and you can say I'm left behind, tapi gw sih punya pikiran bahwa baca buku itu jangan dari waktu terbit dan nama penulisnya aja, tapi lebih ke isi dan makna yang ada dalam buku tersebut. Nomor dua baru penulis. Hihi.

I thought

I thought I forgotten everything. But it turns out it's not. Let's see.

PMS

Why I always find out everything even when I don't want to know?

It hurts to know that someone, who is precious to you, lie to you.

Teruskan saja semua kebohonganmu.
Bohong saja tidak punya uang, bohong saja tidak bisa, dan bohong saja kamu kena karma lalu mengakibatkan barangmu rusak.

Thoughts

Well, I have more than thousand thoughts in my head (and my heart also).

But I'd like to share some thoughts of mine, especially regarding what people say about me.

I happened to find out that there are some people who talk behind my back. They call me miserable, pathetic, none whatsoever. At first I don't care at all, but I want to tell everyone about my point of view.

Well, people said that it's better to hide your own feelings instead of show it to the world. They said it's because you should be more fortunate that you're not living a poor life like people in Africa or poor countries do. But it is definitely wrong. Being poor and can't even eat well is sad. But for me, it's sadder when your soul is hungry rather than your stomach is.

One of the best way to let it go is, to be open about that. Problems, conflicts, heartbroken, and others happen. They are parts of us. We can't be happy all the times. We have to feel the pain and suffer sometimes. And let it out is the best way I've ever tried.

Oktober kok kamu jahat sih?

Heh Oktober! Kamu itu bulan kelahiran aku, kok kamu jahat banget sih sama aku?
Setelah Januari, Februari, Maret, April, dan Juni jahat sama aku, kamu mau ikut-ikutan mereka jahatin aku?

Seharusnya kamu tuh bikin aku bahagia, bikin aku ketawa, bukan bikin aku nangis sampe sesak nafas begini berhari-hari!

Aku capek tau nangis. Tapi kalo gak dikeluarin dadaku sesak. Susah bernafas dan sakit.

Kamu suruh aku senyum-senyum sendiri? ketawa maksa? atau nonton film komedi?

Udah aku coba semuanya.

Kalo seandainya Doraemon itu nyata, aku udah minta dia keluarin alat buat bikin aku bahagia atau alat yang bisa bikin aku lupa sama yang sedih-sedih.

Hal tersedih adalah, aku berharap terlalu banyak sama kamu. Aku kira kamu bakal selalu bisa bikin aku bahagia, paling nggak tertawa.

Dan karena harapan yang sedemikian besarnya itulah sekarang aku habis. Titik, gak pake koma.

Mungkin di tahun-tahun berikutnya aku harus coba untuk gak berharap sama kamu lagi.

Sampai jumpa.

Rumahku (dulu)

Rumah.
Apa sih rumah itu?
Bagiku rumah adalah dimana kita bisa beristirahat dengan tenang tanpa harus peduli tentang hal lainnya. Tempat terakhir yang ingin kita tuju saat kita letih dengan kehidupan.

Kamu

Dan anehnya, kini aku tidak menginginkanmu seperti dulu. Tapi aku juga tidak mampu menolak. Karena aku tahu, kamu masih punya peran dalam kehidupanku. Tapi tidak seterang dulu. Kalau dulu kamu matahari, sekarang kamu hanya lampu neon di kamarku yang tidak pernah terkena sinar matahari ini; menyinari namun tidak menerangi dan tidak hangat seperti dahulu. Kamu masih disana, tapi kamu bukan yang aku butuhkan lagi sekarang. Sekarang aku keluar dari kamar dan masih mencari cahaya matahari, lagi.

Tidak Tahu

Jangankan sahabat, keluarga, ataupun peramal. Diriku sendiri pun tidak tahu apa yang aku mau. Sekarang adalah sekarang. Apa yang aku lakukan saat ini tidak kupedulikan untuk apa dan apa dampaknya nanti. Yang penting aku riang. Yang penting aku tidak perlu menitikkan air mata dan bangun dengan mata sebesar bola pingpong keesokan harinya. Aku hanya ingin bangun dengan senyuman dan semangat dalam diri. Dan kini aku mulai tersenyum. Mengingat betapa sulitnya hanya untuk tersenyum di bangunku.

Don't Cry

I hate to see you cry.

It'd be better that I am the one who's crying instead of you.

I can't stand watching you cry.

I will catch every tear drop from your beautiful, bold eyes.

I will.

Lately

Lately I've been thinking. Over and over. Over and over again. Until I post this.

My life has never been this complicated before. And I'm not going to blame anyone for this. But looks like I'm going to blame myself for all the things happen to me.

I'm just fuckin tired of being rejected. Being everyone's second best. Being their alternatives.

When will I see you again?

When will I see you again?
You left with no goodbye, not a single word was said,
No final kiss to seal any seams,
I had no idea of the state we were in,

I know I have a fickle heart and bitterness,
And a wandering eye, and a heaviness in my head,

But don't you remember?
Don't you remember?
The reason you loved me before,
Baby, please remember me once more,

When was the last time you thought of me?
Or have you completely erased me from your memory?
I often think about where I went wrong,
The more I do, the less I know,

Gave you the space so you could breathe,
I kept my distance so you would be free,
And hope that you find the missing piece,
To bring you back to me,

When will I see you again? 

Suka

Bilang saja saya telat, atau... Ikut-ikutan.

Peduli setan.

Tapi suka sekali lagu ini.

Cannonball

Lately, I'm in love with this song. Damien's voice really hypnotizes me.


My favourite lines:

Stones taught me to fly
Love, it taught me to lie
Life, it taught me to die
So it's not hard to fall
When you float like a cannonball

WARNING:
The video doesn't explicitly represent the real meaning behind the song. It may be disgusting for pregnant women, people with heart attack, and innocent people.

Wish-list

My lecturer; Mr. Daniel, once said: "if you want to reach your dreams, spread it. Tell everyone about it, so you'll feel the pressure to work hard to reach it."

So, I would like to share to you all about my wish-list. Here it is.

• GPA 3< (No exact number ~keke)
  
• Get over 'it' (Sorry too personal to be written here)
• Get a new digicam (whatever the brand is, as long it has min. 10 megapixel)
  
• Get a part time job while having holiday on January 2011
• Join a sewing course
• Get more involved in communities (have to reach 5 organization/ event until the end of 2010)

Wish me luck!

Strange and Beautiful

Sometimes, the last thing you want comes in first,
Sometimes, the first thing you want never comes,
And I know, the waiting is all you can do,
Sometimes...

(Strange and Beautiful - Aqualung)