Trapped in the Glory of Childhood

I miss being a child.

Hari Ibu: Cerita tentang Mama

Kemarin, tepatnya 22 Desember 2011, semua orang mulai heboh membicarakan dan (mungkin) merayakan hari Ibu. Entahlah, mungkin memang ada yang salah dengan saya, atau memang pandangan saya memang benar adanya. 

Saya sama sekali tidak tersentuh dengan berbagai macam ucapan, tweet, status, ataupun pesan yang disampaikan oleh orang banyak tentang hari Ibu ataupun tentang Ibu mereka. Saya tidak bilang bahwa saya tidak sayang dengan Ibu saya. Saya sayang. Tapi dengan cara saya sendiri.

PMS Notes

I wish this ability to read people can disappear forever so that I won't be bothered anymore.
Somehow I find myself in the middle of assumption and facts.
Between intuition and feelings.

And you're always be the one who pull off the trigger out of me.

Thought: Women

Since we all came from a women, got our name from a women, and our game from a women. I wonder why we take from women, why we rape our women, do we hate our women? I think its time we killed for our women, be real to our women, try to heal our women, cus if we don’t we’ll have a race of babies that will hate the ladies, who make the babies. And since a man can’t make one he has no right to tell a women when and where to create one.

-Tupac Shakur

This is, brilliant. What about you, gentlemen?

Welcoming the Newborn: Milo!

So, on November 11, 2011, was born a very cute guy in Palembang. His name is Camillo Fayyadh Jamail. You can call him Milo for short (cute nickname, yes?) He is the very first son of Kak Man and his wife. Just so you know, Kak Man is my cousin from my Dad's side. He was living with us for years that we consider him as sibling. Besides, he's addicted to fashion just like me. :p

Unfortunately, I haven't had the chance to meet this cute tiny guy face to face due to my study and internship in Jakarta. I only got the pictures from Kak man and his wife; Kak Lily. And I bet that he resembles his Daddy just too much! Haha. Anyway, he has my forehead here xD

Selamat Ulang Tahun Mama!

Hari ini, 13 Desember 2011, Mama saya berulangtahun yang ke 51 tahun! Hore!


Mungkin hubungan gue sama mama itu gak terlihat sebagai ibu-anak, lebih ke temen. Karena itu, kita sering banget berantem. Cuma karena hal kecil kadang, kayak mama lagi kumat tekanan darah tingginya, gue yang lagi PMS, dll. And do you know what? I always do feel that maybe, she loves my brother much more than me. But it doesn't really matter anymore, all I know is that every time I'm crying, my mouth automatically calls her name. Every time. I know that I'm not as beautiful as you are, as you were, when you were young. I know you're upset because I'm fat, I don't reflect your appearance. And I know that it's because you just want me to be the best. I'm still trying, Mom. I always.. (Agh! My eyes getting wet) 

Irony

I'm shivering. And no one wants to know. Everybody's busy wanting to be heard. But no one's willing to hear.

My Personality Chart

Is it true?
If you're interested to try it, then just click here.

ON|OFF ID 2011

 booth Acer

 

Petunjuk Arahnya Lucu! Colorful!

 pas foto I

 pas foto II

How are you there?

It has been a long time since I saw you.
I haven't talked to you as much as in those old days.
Do you know that every time I hear your voice, I start to crack mine?
Happy or sad, I always ended up with tears in my eyes.
They say being apart from your beloved ones will make you value them more.
Now I can say that it's true.

I know I never said this before, even in person.
But I'd like you and the rest of the world to know that..

I love you, Mom. Always.

Magang #5 : Nyampah

Oke, baru hari kelima tiba-tiba males kumat. Semuanya jadi males. Translate males sampe ngeblog pun males. Hoh. Jadi hari ini gak ada cerita spesial sih. Paling makan siang hari ini gue beli sendiri (biasanya udah bawa dari kos atau titip beli ke OB) karena ketinggalan. 

Karena males ngomong sama mas-mas OB, gue lebih memilih turun ke bawah dan ngesot ke jajanan samping kantor. Pusing sih, tapi untungnya gue udah menetapkan hati buat makan bakmi Bangka. Bedanya apa sama bakmi biasa? Menurut mas Ramli aka OB kantor gue yang pake eyeliner lebih heboh dari gue itu, bakmi Bangka itu bakmi Cina gitu (I know it, but I can't explain it clearly, anyone?). Dan tentu saja gue lebih suka bakmi ala Cina daripada bakmi gerobak pada umumnya. Biasanya lebih higienis dan ayamnya lebih 'nyata' (gak kayak di bakmi ayam gerobakan yang banyakan ayam palsu daripada yang asli). Alhasil, gue pun menemukan warungnya dan melirik ke daftar menunya. 

Oh ternyata si OB mengambil untung seribu per pesanan buat bakmi Bangka ini (maklum gue rada sensitif sama duit). Padahal toh, bukannya kerjaan ini udah dicover sama gajinya ya? Ah sudahlah. Lain kali memang lebih baik beli sendiri. Bukan karena pelit barang seribu-dua ribu, tapi karena semenjak magang ini gue sangat kurang gerak. Gerak paling juga ke pantry sama toilet. Gerak ke pantry kan buat isi perut, jadi sebenernya gak bisa diitung 'gerak' sih :p . Jadi sekalian liat-liat dan coba makanan lain, sembari olahraga juga kan? Hihihihi.

Mbak Nanaaaa, ngantuk nih.

Magang #4: Makan lagi, lagi-lagi makan

 

KENYANG. Dapet Cheese Cake (lagi), 'nuff said.

Hi Attention Whore!

Lately I realize that I haven't been crying nor in misery for quite a time. Thanks to the internship plus the papers, I'm too busy to regret my past life. I need to work my butt off; working on translation, working on the microeconomic paper, finishing my internship report, and still HAVE FUN.

Really, having fun is somehow tiring for me. But I have to, because if I skip it too many, then I'll be having a dull life. But lately, I've been a bitch. Well, I know that I'm always be a bitch, but nowadays I think I enjoy this too much. Being soo straightforward and having mood swings? I guess it's part of the transitions to the working life. Hope I can adjust soon.

Anyway, I've been disturbed by someone who's currently trying to copy me. Especially my blog. I'm not trying to brag since my blog is not that popular that people will follow and copy what I've done. I guess it has something to do with personal issues. I have a strong feeling about this, and it happens really often that my feelings are going to happen.

Dear copycat,
I don't know whether you like cat or not, but obviously, copying me is not a good option. You can't be me. And I don't want to be you. Yikes. And since I don't want to be you, please don't try to be me. It makes you even more pathetic. You think you can get something by trying to be me? Well, I guess you're just another attention whore, then.

Really, I hate the way you talk like me, write like me, even post something to the social media like me. And what makes it so obvious is your frequency of it. Fuck it, I'm obviously disgusted by you.

I don't know whether you're just that insecure. Well, someone's says this might be because what you have now, wasn't really yours yesterday. So, enjoy your treasure. But you gotta remember, you can take it, but never really own it.
Sent from my AXIS Worry Free BlackBerry® smartphone

Thought-Provoking Question

Lately I've been thinking about some thought-provoking questions wandering around my head. Some of them are available on the internet, at some websites, but some of them just popped out from my head. I've been thinking of sharing it here anyway, so I'd like to share it with you on my next post, me answering the thought-provoking question and give the argument about my answer. Hope it will enrich your knowledge and fill up the gap between your head. And yes, don't forget to leave comment arguing about your own answer toward the questions posted here, I'll be more than happy to have that. :)

Magang #3 : Batik

Karena buru-buru, post kali ini berisikan foto-foto aja dan sedikit sekali tulisan. Hihi, karena ini hari Jumat, tentu gue mencoba pake batik ke kantor. Hoho. Oh ya, hari ini gue juga sangat beruntung karena ada dua rekan kantor yang ulangtahun. Jadinya kebagian cheese cake (again!) dan donat J.Co dua biji. Sumpah, blenger banget deh!

di sudut kubikel

Magang #2 : Ngantuk

Oke, hari ini hari kedua magang gue. Hari ini bangunnya lebih pagi dari kemarin, tapi tetep telat beberapa menit. :3 Jadi progress translasi dokumen dari kemarin kurang lebih 0.01% lah, soalnya masih butek. Magang dimulai dengan lihat-lihat dokumen dan sortir yang gampang buat diterjemahin dulu. Tapi, seperti biasa, distractions berbanding lurus dengan koneksi internet. Walau sempet lemot macam siput, akhirnya siang hari koneksi membaik dan gue pun menggila buka allkpop dan menemukan artikel tentang Ailee; youtube personality yang sekarang jadi penyanyi beneran dan diduga bakal main di Dream High 2 (baca tentang Dream High disini). Gue pun dengan sabar menunggu video streaming demi dengerin suaranya. And, it was worth waiting! Dia nyanyi "Halo" by Beyonce, dan menurut gue buat ukuran orang yang belum debut, she's definitely wonderful. Yang penasaran sama Ailee bisa langsung mampir di youtube channelnya disini.

Jadi, gue mau sedikit cerita tentang kelanjutan cerita sakit perut akibat kopi sepuluh sendok bebek krimer di hari pertama magang kemarin. Jadi, karena minum kopi yang sedemikian pekatnya, waktu gue pipis pun baunya menyengat kemana-mana, sampe waktu numpang pipis temen gue yang ada di luar kamar mandi pun bisa kecium. -_- Nah, tapi ternyata masalah gak berhenti sampe disitu aja. Tadinya malem habis ngajar les gue mau nonton Breaking Dawn sama Riska di Setiabudi, eh HUJAN. DERES. LEBET. BERTABURKAN PETIR. DUAR! Ah males kan. Akhirnya gue mengurungkan niat nonton. Alhasil gue nangkring di kos anak-anak dan ngendon di kamar Dinda.

Magang #1 : Magang lagi, lagi-lagi magang

Hai!

Akhirnya setelah sekian lama mencari, berusaha, dan bersabar, gue kembali magang! Hihihi. Setelah kemarin magang di Palembang hanya demi nilai dan laporan kuliah, sekarang tujuan gw magang tentunya adalah mencari segepok uang. Ya, semester tujuh memang rawan galau. Selain galau percintaan, temen-temen gue juga banyak yang galau magang. Kenapa? Ya biasa, sindrom menjelang semester akhir adalah pengen banget kerja atau mandiri secara finansial. Walau kuliah gue gratis tapi tetep aja kan merasa gak enak masih minta duit melulu dan terpaksa nahan laper dan keinginan lainnya karena gak enak minta duit lagi minta duit lagi. 

Jadi, gue emang udah sengaja ambil kuliah malam buat semester ini dengan harapan magang lagi. Setelah nganggur selama kurang lebih dua bulan, akhirnya secercah cahaya itu muncul juga. Sang pemberi cahaya tak lain dan tak bukan adalah Riska. Jadi, tempat dia magang sekarang butuh anak magang buat translasi dan reformatting dokumen perusahaan. Gue sih seneng-seneng aja, toh selain dapet gaji, gue bisa sekalian mengembalikan dan meningkatkan kemampuan bahasa Inggris gue yang kebanyakan dianggurin selama kuliah.

Pengennya

Entah kenapa tiba-tiba kepikiran ini. Padahal masih UTS. Padahal gw seharusnya mikirin gimana caranya bisa jawab soal UTS Quality Management (QM) dan Managerial Accounting (Cost). Ngok. Mungkin karena QM merupakan mata kuliah yang sangat abstrak dan gw ga cocok sama dosennya. Cost? Otak gw emang gak tercipta buat berhitung dan matematika. Dari jaman SD sampe kuliah nilai pelajaran dan mata kuliah mengandung 'angka' gak pernah beres, jadi ya gw juga gak berharap dan berusaha banyak. 

lagaknya belajar :D

Oke, jadi, gw tiba-tiba kepikiran tentang 'hadiah', baik hadiah ulangtahun atau pun hadiah-hadiah lainnya. Selama ini gw sering banget ngasih hadiah ke orang berupa buku (bacaan bukan buku tulis ataupun notes dan definitely bukan buku pelajaran atau textbook). Tapi, seumur-umur, belum pernah rasanya yang ngasih gw buku bacaan. Padahal, jujur, gw berharap bakal dikasih buku juga sih. Bukannya sok pinter ataupun kutu buku, tapi gw suka banget baca (secara umum). Dan akan sangat menyenangkan kalo ada yang ngasih hadiah berupa buku ke gw. Gw dapet perspektif baru setiap baca buku, anything. Bakal lebih girang lagi kalo gw dikasih buku dalam bahasa Inggris. (Lagi) Gw bukan sok pinter bahasa Inggris atau gak nasionalis, cuma berdasarkan pengalaman sih, baca buku dalam bahasa Inggris (apalagi novel fiksi), itu JAUH lebih enak daripada baca terjemahan. Jadi ilfil kan kalo baca karakter yang tadinya punya nama "The Magic Tongue" trus pas baca novel terjemahan jadi "Si Lidah Sakti"? IMHO.

Saat ini sih gw pengen banget punya buku dengan judul di bawah ini, a little bit old, and you can say I'm left behind, tapi gw sih punya pikiran bahwa baca buku itu jangan dari waktu terbit dan nama penulisnya aja, tapi lebih ke isi dan makna yang ada dalam buku tersebut. Nomor dua baru penulis. Hihi.

On the Night Like This

On the night like this,

Where the weather is too nice to get to sleep to,
I remember every single happy things
Happened to me.

I remember,

When my dad came home and ask me about my day with his bright bright eyes.
Though I know that he's been out all day without eating.
Because he wants to eat at home.

When I look at the candid pictures I've taken at my mom.
Her eyes tell me everything. Every single thing, that she tried to hide from anyone.

When my brother ask me sincerely about how I've been doing. How's my life. Then he laugh. And I know that it's real.

And right now,

I'm lying on my bed. All alone. In the dark room of mine. 2x2.5 room. Thinking about them. My precious ones.

And my pillow's all wet. Then I know that the tears falling.

I miss you.
Sent from my AXIS Worry Free BlackBerry® smartphone

#2PMJKT

Wait for my post about 2PM Hands Up Asia Tour 2011 in Jakarta :D

 

SPOILER!

CHANSUNG ripped his shirt OFF!!! ~feels like I'm in heaven already

Dufan, Sendirian

Pernah jalan-jalan ke taman bermain sendirian? Gw sudah dua kali malah. Well, sebenernya gak pure sendirian sih. Jadi, Papa gw itu suka bawa tur yang berhenti buat mengunjungi Ancol. Jadi, sebagai anak gadis satu-satunya ini, gw diajak buat main di Dufan gratis (sebenernya bayar, tapi karena bareng rombongan tentu jauh lebih murah). Rabu 26 Oktober lalu merupakan perjalanan gw ke Dufan sendirian untuk yang kedua kalinya.

Hehe, rada freak mungkin, tapi cukup menyenangkan kok, si tengah hecticnya kuliah, laporan magang, dan pencarian magang, gw ngerasa perjalanan ini cukup relieving my stress. At least walau sendirian, toh tetep aja bakal teriak-teriak pas naik wahana yang menegangkan kan?

I thought

I thought I forgotten everything. But it turns out it's not. Let's see.

Happy Idul Adha!

Selamat hari raya Idul Adha!

Idul Adha kali ini gw ga bisa ikut sholat karena 'tamu' yang belum pulang. Kali ini agak sepi lebarannya karena beberapa temen yang cukup sinting dan berisik mudik dan berlebaran bersama sanak keluarga. Jadi tersisalah Renninta dan Reni Tok.

Tadinya mau sholat namun apalah daya si 'tamu' belum pulang. Jadi gw posting ini masih di bawah selimut di kamar Reni Tok :D

PMS

Why I always find out everything even when I don't want to know?

It hurts to know that someone, who is precious to you, lie to you.

Teruskan saja semua kebohonganmu.
Bohong saja tidak punya uang, bohong saja tidak bisa, dan bohong saja kamu kena karma lalu mengakibatkan barangmu rusak.

Tantangan #Cornetto2PM

SATU TIKET FESTIVAL KONSER #2PMJKT GRATIS SUDAH DI TANGAN! :D

Thoughts

Well, I have more than thousand thoughts in my head (and my heart also).

But I'd like to share some thoughts of mine, especially regarding what people say about me.

I happened to find out that there are some people who talk behind my back. They call me miserable, pathetic, none whatsoever. At first I don't care at all, but I want to tell everyone about my point of view.

Well, people said that it's better to hide your own feelings instead of show it to the world. They said it's because you should be more fortunate that you're not living a poor life like people in Africa or poor countries do. But it is definitely wrong. Being poor and can't even eat well is sad. But for me, it's sadder when your soul is hungry rather than your stomach is.

One of the best way to let it go is, to be open about that. Problems, conflicts, heartbroken, and others happen. They are parts of us. We can't be happy all the times. We have to feel the pain and suffer sometimes. And let it out is the best way I've ever tried.

Selamat Ulang Tahun, Dinda!

Hehe, maaf postnya terlambat sebulan lebih. Jadi, tepat 29 September 2011 lalu, temen gw yang paling sinting ulang tahun. Namanya Dinda Widya Permata, panggilannya Dinda. Dia adalah bungsu dari tiga bersaudara yang semuanya perempuan. Asal daerahnya sih Lampung, tapi percaya nggak percaya, dia asli orang Jawa. Pasti ga nyangka kan? :)) Well, daripada ujungnya gw jadi merangkum riwayat hidup dia, mending gw cerita surprise dan perayaan ulang tahun dia kemarin.

Jadi, seperti biasa, gw dan temen-temen pura-pura lupa dengan ulang tahun Dinda (lagu lama berkumandang kembali). Tapi, kita bersikap seperti biasa dan tetep berinteraksi (BBM, SMS, ngobrol). Nah, waktu itu dia kosannya ada di lantai 2, which is tangganya bikin yang lewat berasa kayak lagi berpetualang layaknya Indiana Jones (oke, gw lebay). Jadi, maksud kita waktu itu, karena ada yang bertugas mengelabui dan beli kue, kita mau  mancing dia supaya turun ke ruang tamu bawah karena ada dua temen cowok; Imam dan Galih.

Oktober kok kamu jahat sih?

Heh Oktober! Kamu itu bulan kelahiran aku, kok kamu jahat banget sih sama aku?
Setelah Januari, Februari, Maret, April, dan Juni jahat sama aku, kamu mau ikut-ikutan mereka jahatin aku?

Seharusnya kamu tuh bikin aku bahagia, bikin aku ketawa, bukan bikin aku nangis sampe sesak nafas begini berhari-hari!

Aku capek tau nangis. Tapi kalo gak dikeluarin dadaku sesak. Susah bernafas dan sakit.

Kamu suruh aku senyum-senyum sendiri? ketawa maksa? atau nonton film komedi?

Udah aku coba semuanya.

Kalo seandainya Doraemon itu nyata, aku udah minta dia keluarin alat buat bikin aku bahagia atau alat yang bisa bikin aku lupa sama yang sedih-sedih.

Hal tersedih adalah, aku berharap terlalu banyak sama kamu. Aku kira kamu bakal selalu bisa bikin aku bahagia, paling nggak tertawa.

Dan karena harapan yang sedemikian besarnya itulah sekarang aku habis. Titik, gak pake koma.

Mungkin di tahun-tahun berikutnya aku harus coba untuk gak berharap sama kamu lagi.

Sampai jumpa.

21

Another birthday post from me. Hehehe.

I'm grateful yet this might be my saddest birthday, ever.

I know they do not mean to do this, but yes, I'm disappointed.

My Dad call me to say happy birthday and promise to call me again since my Mom wanted to congratulate me too. But yes, no more calls until now.

And someone is really disappointing. How could that person give me something that belongs to that person-whom-I-hate-the-most. I love that it's something that person give me, but I can't deny that I'm really sad that that person give me something that related to that God-damned person.

I don't know. Maybe it takes time.

Anyway, I got nude lipstick, crayon eye liner, and a cardigan this year. hehehe, thanks to my best friends! 

I am officially 21 and it's legal to do so many things! ~

wish me a very happy year!

Rumahku (dulu)

Rumah.
Apa sih rumah itu?
Bagiku rumah adalah dimana kita bisa beristirahat dengan tenang tanpa harus peduli tentang hal lainnya. Tempat terakhir yang ingin kita tuju saat kita letih dengan kehidupan.

Kamu

Dan anehnya, kini aku tidak menginginkanmu seperti dulu. Tapi aku juga tidak mampu menolak. Karena aku tahu, kamu masih punya peran dalam kehidupanku. Tapi tidak seterang dulu. Kalau dulu kamu matahari, sekarang kamu hanya lampu neon di kamarku yang tidak pernah terkena sinar matahari ini; menyinari namun tidak menerangi dan tidak hangat seperti dahulu. Kamu masih disana, tapi kamu bukan yang aku butuhkan lagi sekarang. Sekarang aku keluar dari kamar dan masih mencari cahaya matahari, lagi.

Tidak Tahu

Jangankan sahabat, keluarga, ataupun peramal. Diriku sendiri pun tidak tahu apa yang aku mau. Sekarang adalah sekarang. Apa yang aku lakukan saat ini tidak kupedulikan untuk apa dan apa dampaknya nanti. Yang penting aku riang. Yang penting aku tidak perlu menitikkan air mata dan bangun dengan mata sebesar bola pingpong keesokan harinya. Aku hanya ingin bangun dengan senyuman dan semangat dalam diri. Dan kini aku mulai tersenyum. Mengingat betapa sulitnya hanya untuk tersenyum di bangunku.

Don't Cry

I hate to see you cry.

It'd be better that I am the one who's crying instead of you.

I can't stand watching you cry.

I will catch every tear drop from your beautiful, bold eyes.

I will.

Lately

Lately I've been thinking. Over and over. Over and over again. Until I post this.

My life has never been this complicated before. And I'm not going to blame anyone for this. But looks like I'm going to blame myself for all the things happen to me.

I'm just fuckin tired of being rejected. Being everyone's second best. Being their alternatives.

Don't

When will I see you again?

When will I see you again?
You left with no goodbye, not a single word was said,
No final kiss to seal any seams,
I had no idea of the state we were in,

I know I have a fickle heart and bitterness,
And a wandering eye, and a heaviness in my head,

But don't you remember?
Don't you remember?
The reason you loved me before,
Baby, please remember me once more,

When was the last time you thought of me?
Or have you completely erased me from your memory?
I often think about where I went wrong,
The more I do, the less I know,

Gave you the space so you could breathe,
I kept my distance so you would be free,
And hope that you find the missing piece,
To bring you back to me,

When will I see you again? 

It has to be you

You just have to be here. With me.

No, I just need to see you. Not the photograph, not the video conference, not only the voice.

I want to see you.

I want to hear your voice.

I want to touch you.

I want to hold your hand.

I want you to hug me tight.

I want you to stroke my cheek.

I want to feel your head leaned on my shoulder.

And do nothing.

Did you never know?

Did you never know, long ago, how much you loved me—

That your love would never lessen and never go?
You were young then, proud and fresh-hearted,
You were too young to know.

Fate is a wind, and red leaves fly before it
Far apart, far away in the gusty time of year—
Seldom we meet now, but when I hear you speaking,
I know your secret, my dear, my dear.

courtesy of: Sara Teasdale

INTRODUCING: NACASA!

I would like to tell you guys about NACASA, an unique brand by Nadia Hasan. It released its first collection, a mini collection for S/S 2011 "Out of Ordinary". Well, judged from the design and style, I can't agree more with the theme for this mini collection. Its collection consists of all simple yet still unique with small, cute details.

Nacasa is a brand which specialize in tank-top and pants. It attempts to create such amazingly comfortable products by using high-quality fabrics. The products are casual, yet still uniquely designed.

I personally love the bundle basic tank below! <3

Now I realize that this town can be beautiful. Oh Jakarta, please show me your beauty to relieve my pain and sorrow.

:(

I can't tell how painful it is when you're all choked up and he's okay.

How lonely it is hearing that he's all fine with his life now.

I am happy to know that he's happy... It's just that I'm sad because I'm not his part of happiness anymore.

Again

The sun finally peep behind all the storm above me. Even it's just a dot, at least I see the light.

Suka

Bilang saja saya telat, atau... Ikut-ikutan.

Peduli setan.

Tapi suka sekali lagu ini.

I hope you read this.


I loved you. And I keep renewing it. But I can't help saying I love you, because you never really care about that.

My feelings are not superficial.

Seriously, I promise myself to stake you in your heart.

Good-bye

Goodbye.

It's good for say bye.

But I don't think so.